Umbrellas....the bane of the tall man
Now you might be asking yourself, how can anyone hate or have the same loathing of umbrella's as I am about to demonstrate. They are just mere inanimate objects, objects that have a purpose of keeping the rain off of our heads and hair dry. Also they keep our perfectly made up faces and styled hair safe from the elements. Umbrellas make for a great walking stick that when wearing a suit and overcoat during winter they make a quintessential fashion accessory, a good one is a great walking stick. They are also great for being chivalrous gentleman and using it as a sneaky tool make out in the rain whilst walking a girl home following after dinner drinks. Then there is the time you have had boozy lunch or dinner and it starts to rain, and you instantly think you're Gene Kelly and you reenact that scene from "Singin' in the Rain".
For these reasons I have no qualms with them at all in fact I my self have used them for most of the above reason and the latter two examples in-particular. However, having lived around the world and in two places in particular where it when it rains it doesn't stop. Yes...having lived in Hong Kong and London where when the rain comes it quite literally doesn't stop. Now here is where my hatred of these beloved fashion accessories comes in. Being two meters tall (6ft 6 inches, for the English and American readers who still use feet and inches...for some unknown and illogical reason), anyway as I was saying being a somewhat taller Gentleman Traveller than average. On days when it does rain and one lives in congested cities such as Hong Kong and London, its HORRIBLE and the complete and utter sea of umbrellas that I have to encounter is terrifying.
Of course right now you're likely thinking what is terrifying about lots of umbrellas opened up...well I will tell you. See these umbrellas tend to have metallic or hard plastic tips, which when you're my height tend to come to my eye level. I cannot tell you how many times I have nearly been blinded by some self centred horrible short arse, who is staring at their smart phone and not looking where they're going whilst holding their brolly. Also they come to such a height that means I have to constantly raise my own brolly up and down in order to avoid everyone else's. One of the reasons I rarely take mine out unless I am going to a meeting or have a date. There is that, and then you have other elements that tend come hand with the rain and other fowl weather, and one in particular that tend to make umbrellas fairly....well useless and more of an out of control missile.
No where else is this true than in Hong Kong, where for some reason during Typhoon season people are STILL using these things....it boggles the mind. How during a strong wind people let alone one that is caused by a Typhoon decide that its a good idea to use their umbrella....its like they have never heard of physics or flown a kite. What happens is one of two things, one it the incumbent opens it up and 2 seconds later the wind turns it into some sort of messed up metal flower. Or two, the wind catches it and it the proceeds to fly out of their hands and targets the nearest innocent by stander, dog or other and tends to fly straight and true to a sensitive region of the anatomy. This happens in Hong Kong but London too with such a great frequency it's humour has wained on me and I am sure this is a Global phenomenon.
Now I could continue on, on this rant but I will put an end here to this. Before I go I will leave you with this message, an umbrella is useful but to all of you out there a little rain and wind never hurt anyone....unless you tend to live in an area where acid rain is frequent. So please spare a thought for the conditions and if its raining and the wind is blowing hard that brolly of yours won't do JACK, so leave it at home or in the car. This will also save you some money as you won't have go out and buy a new one, when it breaks.
For these reasons I have no qualms with them at all in fact I my self have used them for most of the above reason and the latter two examples in-particular. However, having lived around the world and in two places in particular where it when it rains it doesn't stop. Yes...having lived in Hong Kong and London where when the rain comes it quite literally doesn't stop. Now here is where my hatred of these beloved fashion accessories comes in. Being two meters tall (6ft 6 inches, for the English and American readers who still use feet and inches...for some unknown and illogical reason), anyway as I was saying being a somewhat taller Gentleman Traveller than average. On days when it does rain and one lives in congested cities such as Hong Kong and London, its HORRIBLE and the complete and utter sea of umbrellas that I have to encounter is terrifying.
Of course right now you're likely thinking what is terrifying about lots of umbrellas opened up...well I will tell you. See these umbrellas tend to have metallic or hard plastic tips, which when you're my height tend to come to my eye level. I cannot tell you how many times I have nearly been blinded by some self centred horrible short arse, who is staring at their smart phone and not looking where they're going whilst holding their brolly. Also they come to such a height that means I have to constantly raise my own brolly up and down in order to avoid everyone else's. One of the reasons I rarely take mine out unless I am going to a meeting or have a date. There is that, and then you have other elements that tend come hand with the rain and other fowl weather, and one in particular that tend to make umbrellas fairly....well useless and more of an out of control missile.
No where else is this true than in Hong Kong, where for some reason during Typhoon season people are STILL using these things....it boggles the mind. How during a strong wind people let alone one that is caused by a Typhoon decide that its a good idea to use their umbrella....its like they have never heard of physics or flown a kite. What happens is one of two things, one it the incumbent opens it up and 2 seconds later the wind turns it into some sort of messed up metal flower. Or two, the wind catches it and it the proceeds to fly out of their hands and targets the nearest innocent by stander, dog or other and tends to fly straight and true to a sensitive region of the anatomy. This happens in Hong Kong but London too with such a great frequency it's humour has wained on me and I am sure this is a Global phenomenon.
Now I could continue on, on this rant but I will put an end here to this. Before I go I will leave you with this message, an umbrella is useful but to all of you out there a little rain and wind never hurt anyone....unless you tend to live in an area where acid rain is frequent. So please spare a thought for the conditions and if its raining and the wind is blowing hard that brolly of yours won't do JACK, so leave it at home or in the car. This will also save you some money as you won't have go out and buy a new one, when it breaks.
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